Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that can make someone question their own reality, memory, or perceptions. It’s a tactic often employed by narcissists and is particularly devastating to empaths, like me. In this post, we’ll unravel the complex layers of gaslighting, drawing on both general insights and personal experiences to help you recognize and address this form of manipulation.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting involves the denial of another person’s reality. It is designed to sow seeds of doubt, making the victim question their memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from the 1938 stage play “Gas Light,” where a husband manipulates small elements of his environment and insists that his wife is mistaken or remembering things incorrectly when she points out these changes. But is can also be much more subtle as the small elements manipulated can include what you think or desire.

My Experience with Gaslighting

They say that “love is deaf, dumb, and blind,” and I can candidly say that is true. As an optimist, I always see the good in everyone and assume the best, often ignoring warning flags unconsciously. It took over five years of being subjected to gaslighting before a friend pointed out the harsh way the narcissist spoke to me. Soon after, others began noticing the same gaslighting behavior. It was like a death of a thousand cuts. Over 14 years, I was constantly told that my “standards are too high,” that I “expect too much,” among more personal and painful insults.

I believe in “a place for everything, and everything in its place.” The narcissist found it “funny” to disrupt this order just to see my reaction. When I would restore order and question the disruption, I was called “crazy” or accused of “overreacting.” Even post-divorce, the gaslighting continues, with attempts to dismiss facts, court orders, and even state statutes. Sadly, this behavior has now begun to affect our children, with the narcissist bombarding them with false information, causing them to question their memories.

The Impact of Gaslighting

The effects of gaslighting are profoundly damaging. Victims may experience decreased self-esteem, anxiety, depression, isolation, and dependency. Constant doubting and confusion can lead to different mental health issues as one continually questions their perception of reality.

For instance, during my relationship, I was isolated from family and friends. I would question why we didn’t socialize more with our neighbors and was told they didn’t like me. After the relationship ended, many neighbors approached me to express their favorable opinions of me, which contradicted everything I had been told. I now have more friends in our small town than I ever thought possible.

Confronting Gaslighting with Daily Journaling

One powerful tool in confronting gaslighting is maintaining a daily journal. This practice helps ground you in your reality by documenting your thoughts, feelings, and the events of each day. In your journal, consider writing down:

• Specific Conversations: Note details about significant interactions. What was said, and how did it make you feel?
• Your Emotional Responses: Track any strong emotions you experience and what triggered them.
• Discrepancies: If you notice inconsistencies between your memories and what others claim, document these.
• Positive Affirmations: Remind yourself of your worth, your strengths, and your right to your feelings and perceptions.

This journal becomes a personal reference that helps you maintain your grip on reality when it’s being called into question. It serves not only as a record but as a tool for reflection, allowing you to observe patterns over time and gain insights into how your emotions are manipulated.

Awareness and understanding are crucial defenses against gaslighting. By knowing the signs and the effects, you can better safeguard your mental well-being and take steps to remove yourself from toxic dynamics. Acknowledging and addressing the reality of gaslighting is key to protecting your mental health and restoring your sense of self.

As we close this post, please remember: you are not alone on this journey. Your experiences, thoughts, and feelings are important, and sharing them can be incredibly healing. I encourage you to leave a comment below or send me a personal message if you’d like to share your story or just need someone to listen. This space is not just about sharing insights—it’s about building a community of support and understanding.