In our ongoing journey to heal from the impacts of a narcissistic relationship, understanding how to own our emotions truly becomes pivotal. Picture this: two mugs filled with green and yellow beads symbolize our feelings. What can I say? I live in Packer country!

When a narcissist and an empath interact, their “mugs” often bump, causing beads—or emotions—to spill. This is why the concept of the “sacred pause,” discussed in our previous post, is essential. It helps us recognize and manage our emotional reactions, giving us the power to choose which emotions we allow to influence us.

The sacred pause serves as a vital tool in our emotional toolkit. By pausing during interactions, especially challenging ones, we gain the opportunity to assess our emotional state. Are we feeling anxious, manipulated, or upset? Identifying these feelings is the first step in deciding whether to accept them into our space or reject them as unwanted intruders.

We aim to keep our emotional “mug” from being so complete that it spills over with every bump. By managing our emotional capacity—reducing the number of beads, so to speak—we create the necessary space to deal with incoming emotions effectively. When interactions with a narcissist occur, this buffer allows us to either accept the emotion being triggered or to reject it confidently, recognizing it as a manipulation or falsehood.

Emotions as Volcanoes: Recognizing the Signs

Another way to visualize our emotions is to think of them as the magma roiling within volcanoes. Volcanoes do not erupt without warning; the signs are always present, though sometimes they are ignored. The magma is occasionally visible within the cracks—manifested as stress, lack of sleep, or juggling responsibilities. By utilizing our sacred pause, we can recognize these early warning signs by observing the magma in the cracks or the tremors within our body and soul—an increase in heart rate, a rush of heat, tenseness in our jaws, or the onset of tears. These signals alert us to the emotional magma tremors building within.

Once we detect these signs, it’s crucial to pinpoint what’s triggering them. Are we reacting to manipulation, feeling the heat of control, or experiencing the pressure of guilt? Identifying these sources is like mapping the inner workings of a volcano understanding where the magma pools and which vents are likely to erupt. By naming these triggers, we not only give clarity to the emotional landscape but also empower ourselves. This process is akin to a seismologist who can better prepare and respond by understanding the signals of an impending eruption. We engage in an internal dialogue, distinguishing between the genuine emotional eruptions within us and the deceptive pressures exerted by the narcissist. This self-awareness allows us to decide which emotions are genuinely ours and which are being manipulated by external forces, just as a skilled geologist can tell the difference between seismic activities caused by natural tectonic movements and those induced by external factors. By recognizing and naming these emotional triggers, we reinforce our mental and emotional boundaries, ensuring that our reactions are informed by our true selves, not shaped by the tumultuous whims of another.

Armed with awareness, we then make the crucial decision: to accept or reject these emotions. This choice is the essence of owning our feelings. It is about recognizing that we are not obligated to feel a certain way just because someone else intends it. Our emotions are our own, and we have the ultimate authority over which ones we let into our “mug.”

Conclusion

By understanding that our emotions are ours to command, we empower ourselves against the influence of selfish behaviors. Each interaction becomes a chance to reinforce our emotional boundaries, ensuring that our responses are genuinely our own and not dictated by another. This shift in how we view and handle our emotions is not just about recovery; it’s about reclaiming our power and rewriting the narrative of our lives on our terms. Remember, just like the mugs brimming with beads or a carefully monitored volcano, the control over when and how your emotions spill or erupt lies firmly in your hands. Managing these emotional dynamics is crucial and entirely up to you.

As we close this post, please remember: you are not alone on this journey. Your experiences, thoughts, and feelings are important, and sharing them can be incredibly healing. I encourage you to leave a comment below or send me a personal message if you’d like to share your story or just need someone to listen. This space is not just about sharing insights—it’s about building a community of support and understanding.