When I was a teenager, I sat with Father Walsh, the pastor of the Episcopal Church in my hometown. Father Walsh was a wonderful pastor, teacher, and mentor. I distinctly remember sitting next to him in the quiet sanctuary of the church when he explained to me that my faith would be the still water that runs deep. My life would have challenges and chaos, but that would be the churning of the water; my faith would ground me in the stillness. Father Walsh had no way of knowing the relationships I would be involved in or the challenges that I would face, yet truer words were never spoken. Still, waters run deep.

Healing from a narcissistic relationship can often feel like trying to find the calm in a stormy sea. In such times, discovering a moment of tranquility—a “sacred pause”—can be invaluable. The practice of a “sacred pause” was inspired by concepts I learned from Tara Brach’s book, “Radical Acceptance.” Her book focuses on acknowledging and embracing our present experiences without judgment and teaches that the “sacred pause” can offer profound support as we heal.

Step One: Finding Peace by the River

I encourage you to find a quiet spot by a river this spring. As you sit by the gently rushing waters, let them be a metaphor for your emotional journey. The river flows endlessly, sometimes serenely and at other times tumultuously, much like our own paths through healing. Watch how the water moves, and observe its persistence and its peace.

If nature is not something that you enjoy, find something that can represent both turbulence and chaos as well as stillness. I can sometimes feel the “sacred pause” in listening to church bells ring, classical music with its symphony of instruments playing and then the calmness of a solo, or even in something mundane, like taking the chaos of freshly washed laundry and neatly folding it in to properly sorted piles.

The point is to find your place of peace and the “sacred pause.”

Step Two: Observe the Unmoved

Wherever you choose to go, look for something within that ever-changing environment that remains constant.

I personally like the concept of still waters running deep. I recommend that you find a quiet spot by the river and look for something constant within the waters. The constant item in the movement might be a rock steadfast amidst the flowing water or a plant rooted firmly in the riverbed. This object’s resilience against the river’s persistent flow mirrors our potential to remain unshaken amid the chaos that narcissistic relationships can bring.

Step Three: Connect with Your Symbol of Stability

Find a tangible item similar to what you observed by the river—a rock, a branch, or a piece of flora—and let this represent your inner strength and stability. This symbol will serve as a reminder that beneath the surface tumult, there is a depth of calm, a place where still waters run deep.

The symbol does not have to be an exact representation of the item. Instead of a branch, you may find a bracelet or necklace with the Tree of Life or another tree image. The critical part of the symbol is that when the narcissistic behaviors start making you feel like you are being drawn into the turbulence, you have something to pull you back into the calmness.

Step Four: Use Your Symbol to Anchor Your Emotions

When you feel overwhelmed by memories or ongoing manipulations, hold this object. Let it ground you, reminding you of your ability to observe and acknowledge the disturbances caused by narcissistic behaviors without letting them sweep you away. Remember, like the rock in the river, you can experience the rush of emotions without being displaced by them. Right now, the focus is on recognizing and pausing. It is not easy, as we are creatures of habit and will respond habitually if we do not interject a “sacred pause.”

When you find yourself grasping for the “sacred pause” or your still waters, remember that you are not alone on this journey or with this history. It offers a way to recognize and process what is brought to the surface by attempting to control and manipulate your feelings. Each time you engage in this practice, you are taking a step toward reclaiming your emotional autonomy and healing more deeply.

By embracing this practice, you affirm your resilience and worth, asserting that no matter the chaos around you, your core can remain peaceful and unyielding. Let this be your sanctuary, a personal space where you can always return for clarity and strength. As you move forward, remember that the journey of healing is not just about overcoming but also about understanding, accepting, and transforming our experiences into sources of empowerment.

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As we close this post, please remember: you are not alone on this journey. Your experiences, thoughts, and feelings are important, and sharing them can be incredibly healing. I encourage you to leave a comment below or send me a personal message if you’d like to share your story or just need someone to listen. This space is not just about sharing insights—it’s about building a community of support and understanding.