Navigating the complexities of human connections in today’s world, we often find ourselves reflecting on the adage “It takes a village,” famously revitalized by Hillary Clinton. This maxim resonates deeply with those of us whose lives have been a testament to the search for belonging outside the traditional bounds of family. Unlike the families we’re born into, communities represent the families we choose, cultivated through shared experiences, values, and aspirations. My journey—from a childhood marked by separation and foster care to an adulthood where community became my cornerstone—illustrates the transformative power of the communities we choose to immerse ourselves in.

The Infectious Nature of Community

Our surroundings inevitably shape us. Like a contagion, the characteristics, values, and behaviors of our communities infect us, for better or worse. My early experiences with family were transient, leading me to find semblances of belonging within the families of my spouses. However, it was not until recent years that I began to actively cultivate my own community. This is a stark reminder of why gangs, acting as surrogate families, are particularly seductive yet dangerous. They offer the illusion of belonging, support, and identity but at a perilous cost, instilling habits and mindsets that endanger lives and futures.

Beyond Bloodlines: My Quest for Community

The concept of family, for many, is fraught with complications. My own story—separated from my mother at four, adopted at eight, and in foster care by fifteen—echoes the narratives of countless others seeking a sense of belonging outside their given families. Like me, many find their early “communities” by default, tied to the circumstances of their partners or spouses. It’s only upon the realization that these connections do not fully resonate with our true selves that the journey to cultivate our own community begins.

Cultivating the Right Community

Discovering and nurturing the right community is akin to cultivating a garden of diverse flora. Over the last five years, I’ve learned the value of surrounding myself with people who reflect the multifaceted aspects of my identity and aspirations. I’ve found solace and strength in close friends who offer unwavering support, in peers who share my faith, in enthusiasts equally passionate about the potential of AI, and in colleagues whose company enriches my professional life. Each community serves different facets of my being, yet together, they form a mosaic of support, inspiration, and belonging.

Community, in its richest form, extends beyond mere association or shared interest; it embodies the very essence of family for those of us who find family to be a concept not defined by blood but by bond. While the families we’re born into provide our foundational narratives, it is the communities we build and choose to be part of that sculpt our journey, enabling us to soar. My story is a testament to the power of community—a journey from isolation to a rich tapestry of connections that have, in many ways, become closer than family.

Reflect on the communities you’re part of. How do they shape you? Are there communities out there that might better align with your values and aspirations? Remember, the quest for belonging is ongoing, and it’s never too late to cultivate the community where you truly belong.