Now that you are considering what one habit you want to focus on starting January 1st, may I suggest that you zone in on your “hot spots.” No, I am not talking about that secret button your spouse knows how to push to give you “that” signal. I am talking about the area, zone, jurisdiction, whatever-you-want-to-call-it area of your home that makes you feel your house is clean or a mess. And the same goes for your spouse, too.

You may already know what it is for you. Or you may not. To help you determine your hot spot, I have three visualizations that I want you to think about.

Example One:

You have just gotten a call that your charming grandmother, whom you have not seen in a couple of years, will be at your house in 10 minutes. Which part of your house are you going to run to first? Bedrooms? Kitchen? Bathroom? Or are you calm, collected, and ready to open your home because everything is in its proper place?

Example Two:

You have just been suddenly hospitalized for an extended period. Friends and family are going to your house to pick up a few necessities for you. Which part of your home are you cringing about having them see? Or are you calm and collected and able to give precise instructions on where to find everything you need?

Example Three:

You have had a challenging afternoon with the kids, trying to get homework done and dinner started before your partner gets home. And their day was a terrible day at the office, so to speak. What parts of the house are most likely to be complained about or nitpicked? Or are you calm and collected, knowing that your partner can just come home and relax because everything is in order?

For each of the examples above, take a few moments to note your hot spots. Remember that hot spots are those things that drive you absolutely crazy when surprise company or unexpected visitors are coming to your home. For me, it’s the bedrooms. My house is just a mess if the beds are not made, bedroom floors are not cleared of dirty clothes, toys, and books, and a pile of dirty laundry is in the corner!

My solution for managing my hot spot was to develop morning habits and routines, specifically that everyone gets dressed, makes their bed, cleans their room, brushes their teeth, and puts dirty laundry in appropriate baskets. Doing this daily makes me almost assured that my hot spot is taken care of. Now, I get a surprise announcement about company. In that case, I ensure the common areas are picked up, and the dishes are loaded in the dishwasher. And these usually get taken care of as additions to my morning habits and routines.

The hot spot is usually different for one spouse than the other! Reviewing the various “complaints,” no matter how small or insignificant they might appear initially, will be your best source of clues. Second, most spouses tend to “nitpick” those areas of the house that bug them when they have had a bad day. At least, my father and grandfather did, and on occasion, my spouse has. It took some time, but I eventually learned that my spouse’s hot spot is the kitchen. He always complains that the house is messy if the dishes aren’t done or the kitchen seems chaotic.

To help manage the perception that the house is clean and thus help to keep my spouse happy, I now try to make sure that the dishes are done and put away, that dinner is somewhat planned, and that I plan the more chaotic days of canning and freezer meal planning when he is working! My husband has a set schedule, and I know that he will be home between 4:30 and 5:00, so at 4:00, I review the kitchen and make sure it looks nice and clean.

It is helpful to ensure that both of your “hot spots” are taken care of daily. Yes…every day. Believe it or not, this will alleviate the bulk of your discord. I know it sounds crazy, but trust me, it’s true! Your partner will feel as though your home is a warm, welcoming, clean haven, and you will feel like you are in control of your home.

So, consider the hot spots as you think about the single habit you want to incorporate as of January 1st and create your own cozy home.